


Hardly Golden (Funeral)

by supernaturalandshiz



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Cravings, Episode: s02e15 Revelations, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Song Lyrics, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:54:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29017761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supernaturalandshiz/pseuds/supernaturalandshiz
Summary: He rose to his feet with an exhaust settling deep into his bones. The vials knocked together when he shoved them into his pocket. It felt unfair. An injustice caused by a society that was unwilling to offer support. ‘Maybe,’ he thought, ‘I am a sinner.’
Kudos: 8





	Hardly Golden (Funeral)

**Author's Note:**

> Funeral by Band of Horses
> 
> This is the song that played at the end of 'Revelations' and it sparks too many emotions inside of me. Kind of vague.

_ I'm coming up only to hold you under _

_ I'm coming up only to show you wrong _

He rose to his feet with an exhaust settling deep into his bones. The vials knocked together when he shoved them into his pocket. It felt unfair. An injustice caused by a society that was unwilling to offer support. ‘Maybe,’ he thought, ‘I am a sinner.’

_ And to know you is hard, we wonder _

_ To know you all wrong, we were _

He knew that he had become hard to get along with. He kept snapping at his friends even when he knew they were just trying to help. They took notice of the change; tried to adapt. Everyone knew that he had experienced a trauma that none of them could relate to.

_ Really too late to call so we wait for _

_ Morning to wake you is all we got _

Even as profilers, they didn’t notice. They didn’t see that trips to the bathroom led to glassy eyes. Didn’t notice until he was too far gone to care about his predicament.

_ And to know me as hardly golden _

_ Is to know me all wrong, they warn _

After Gideon left, he was lost. So, when nothing seemed to be going right, he had something to hang onto. Something to inject into his veins to make it all stop. It always slowed his racing mind.

_ At every occasion, I'll be ready for the funeral _

_ At every occasion once more, it's called the funeral _

_ At every occasion, oh, I'm rea _ _ dy for the funeral _

_ At every occasion, oh, one billion day funeral _

In times of sobriety, Spencer mourned who he used to be. His thoughts often drifted to what his mother would think; what his friends would think. It made him nauseous and tearful.

_ I'm coming up only to show you down for _

_ And coming up only to show you're wrong _

_ To the outside, the dead leaves lay on the lawn _

_ For they don't have trees to hang upon _

The one year anniversary wounded him. Memories crashed into him and he had been incapable of showing up to work. His phone rang endlessly in the morning and didn’t stop for hours.

_ At every occasion, I'll be ready for the funeral _

_ At every occasion once more, it's called the funeral _

_ At every occasion, oh, I'm ready for the funeral _

_ At every occasion, oh, one billion day funeral _

He didn’t know how long he had sat on the bathroom floor, fighting off cravings. The pounding on his door didn’t break him from his trance. He longed for the silence that the highs brought. The thought brought helpless tears that dripped unto his bloody arms, scraped open by his blunt nails. 

_ Ooh _

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this was okay.
> 
> kudos and comments appreciated :)


End file.
